Today's guest post is from Stella Cuddihy. Stella is really annoying because she has the courage to question me about my goals and strip through any excuses that I can try to come up with. I was fortunate enough to find Stella's world via Facebook, and through her interaction with some other amazing people. I challenged Stella to pursue an amazing adventure, to trek Kokoda with me. If she is able to overcome some of the physical challenges that this will present, I will be her guide and it will be a privelige to undertake that adventure with her.

I have not edited her post in any way, for reasons that will become apparent. I offer no moral to the story, no judgement of Stella or you. I simply offer this as someone else's story.

A colourful blur, that’s how i see the world. Like an artists palette the colours of the things in the world blend together. I cant see faces or the definition of a flower but it doesn’t stop me. It used to though

Fat that was me A big blob of oozing fat. An image of the tub of lard mum used to keep in our fridge as kids popped into my head that was me. I was disgusting; i could feel the fat seeping through my pores. I broke down and cried. I’d finally had enough I hated myself. I hated not being bale to see properly, I hated the cane that my mobility officer was so keen for me to use. I hated feeling like a victim i looked at the knife in my hand and then i heard a voice.

Tentatively i stepped on the scales,  i couldn’t see the numbers so used a camera to take a photo and then blew it up on the computer until i could make them out. I’m not totally blind just vision impaired enough to be classed as legally blind but you learn ways to make it work you have to. 125kgs. I was shocked i asked my son if it was right. He said yup but its OK mum its just a number. Such a wise 14 year old.  He held my hand when we walked into the gym knowing how nervous and uncomfortable i was. He was my rock a 14year old kid was the one who changed my life.

It wasn’t easy stepping into a gym obese and also being VI It takes me a while to orientate myself to new places but i had to do something. They were all so young and blonde and well ditzy. I don’t think they got it or cared but that was good meant i got left alone. I kind of knew what to do from the zillion previous attempts to lose weight. This time though was different I had a fire in my belly that i was taking back control.

I did weights, my son wrote my program it was kind of cute having him fuss over me his dream was to be a physio, learning difficulties stood in his way but when it came to compassion he was miles ahead. and i  swam well sort of splashed up and down the pool i used to stick a kickboard into my shorts to help me float.  And i walked in the park. I used the internet and found calorie king a free site where you can log what you eat and it told you how many cals you had and gave you an amount to eat each day.  The weight came of 1kg a week

After a few weeks i felt good i was on a treadmill and decided to try running 20seconds i lasted. This disgusted me i knew i was unfit but i knew that was bad. I had a new goal to learn to run. I found couch to 5 km a walk to run program and began it the next day with a couple of changes

Before long i was running 3 km on a treadmill and wanted to run outside. But how can someone run outside who cant see the path. Cant make out pot holes or debris. Slowly.  

A year later 55kg lighter i ran my first ultra marathon 55km. 1 km for ever kg i lost. That was the beginning of a new chapter. Over that year my marriage broke down. I left the state i went in search of myself a real life , eat, pray, love. I met many angels along the way that helped me find myself, learned to accept my disability as just an obstacle. I learnt to trust myself, to trust my senses.

Its been 4 years since that journey began. I no longer use a cane. I  found an amazing optometrist who made me glasses to help me with my running and work. I trained to be a personal trainer. I now run my own business as well as running a program for homeless people to get their lives back.

I’ve had to overcome many obstacles, I was diagnosed with MS a year ago another blow but not a life sentence. Ive learnt that these diseases affect us a lot more if we give into them. Its all about learning to overcome your obstacles not let them control you.

This year i am running my first 100km, a 24 hour track event and doing some open water swims. Yes i did learn to swim thanks to a wonderful coach who like me thinks outside the box.

There is nothing you cannot do guys. Just some things you haven’t worked out yet. If you don’t know how to get there ask Matt or me. Finding someone who doesn’t say cant but says ok lets figure out how is a godsend.

The depression that started this journey still lingers. The voice was a part of myself a part that had been crushed by years of feeling not good enough being told i was useless worthless. The child who held her mother while she died unable to revive her.  Blaming myself for something out of my control. The girl who at 16 was abused by several men. A secret that was never spoken of. That child decided she wanted a turn at life, that I was making a mess of things and it was time to give her a chance. So i did and what a powerful rollercoaster it has been. Letting go of the past embracing the future. Not looking at what people say i cant or shouldn’t do but asking myself what i want to do.

We all have the tools to take control back we just need to make the first step to ask someone if we don’t know how. I now have a list of things i want to accomplish

Swim the channel

Run 100km

Kokoda

Run from Melbourne to Cairns

Have a nude photo taken

Develop a program to help others find their way

Write a book

Learn to sail

And most of all find peace and be happy

Some things the hurdle is the cost, others its just finding the confidence to take the first step but slowly and surely im ticking things off my impossible list and adding bigger brighter things. Its good to have big hairy goals Its amazing when you tick them off.  Heck if i can do it with all my health issues whats stopping you

Amazing work from two of our hardest workers at the Club - if you need further proof that hard work and eating lean and clean gets you results, check out the article from The Geelong Advertiser from Tuesday 24th April on Kasey Fountain and Daryl Williams - so inspirational!

Read the article here

Someone else's adventure

Today's blog is not about me. It's not about EFM Health Clubs Geelong. It's about someone else's adventure. Thank you to the author who has written very honestly and shared his story. This person continues to be an inspiration to everyone that he comes into contact with, and judging from his story, he is slowly starting to believe in who he is. It is members like this that remind me why I'm in this industry.

By the start of 2011, I had let my life spiral into the depths of depression and basically living the life of a recluse, making any excuse not to go places and deal with people. When I did go anywhere I’d never let anyone know what was really going on in my mind. This was the only way that I could cope with being me, I thought, just cut yourself off from everything and everyone and that will work. How wrong was I !!!

The fact that in April 2010 the place that I had worked for 20 years shut down and I hadn’t been able to find any work (and still haven’t) was only helping to make things worse. I’d tried running my own small business for a while but unfortunately that didn’t work real well. Haven’t totally giving up on this idea yet, but that’s another story.

A short time prior to this, the one and only person (except my family) that I truly ever loved and wanted around me just walked away, not to be seen again for a couple of years. The importance of this later.

This was the start of the downward thrust. I’ve always been large but now I couldn’t give a fuck about that or anything else and basically gave up. What was the point of it all, why bother ? Now I was just letting every little thing get to me and was pretty much angry all the time. So what am I suppose to do about this – my answer was to just stay home and eat as much crap as I could. That was the way to fix that, wasn’t it.......yea right. Well it made me happy.

Now back to 2011. When the new year rolled around and I’d spent another new years eve alone, I could feel my health really starting to struggle. I had reached 179.7kg’s, my right arm was almost useless and could barely use it. It was also a huge effort to just walk to the letter box and back.

 I thought “stuff this” and tried losing some weight again, (had tried almost everything known to achieve this before) and guess what..... FAILED AGAIN. This did nothing but to sink the boot in that little bit more. Could I feel any worse or more of a loser ????

This is where my friend re-entered my life for a “visit”. The first thing she said to me was not hello or how are you, no, it was very direct and straight to the point – “Fuck you’ve got fat”. Well to me that was the thing that really ripped my guts and my heart out. I had lots of really really dark thoughts going through my head after this and was now at what for me was rock bottom.

This MADE me get my arse into gear and get serious about the whole obesity thing. I started eating a little bit better and what do you know, I lost 15kg’s.

By now the arm was really getting to me so I went to see a quack (and that is being nice towards her). She sort of looked at it but didn’t seem to care much and sent me for a CAT scan on it. She did a few other little tests then sent me for a whole range of blood test and a sugar test then told me to come back next week. When I went for the scan the woman there told me before we even started that it was the wrong scan for me. Another tick for the doc.

Went back for results of test the next week and she didn’t even want to talk about the arm/shoulder, that I went to see her about, she was on a whole other track now. She told me I was morbidly obese, gee how’d she work that out – bloody idiot, and if I didn’t get help and do something about it fast I would be pushing it to last another couple of years. I also had very high blood pressure, diabetes and a couple of other not important things. Her suggestion was to go and have the gut operation where they actually take ¾ of your gut out.

I looked into this option, but wasn’t even close to happy with what I was being told and was reading about this new and improved aid. Since then there has been plenty of disagreements and wasted time going to and fro with her, so needless to say I’ve finally got rid of her and gone elsewhere. I have decided since then that I will never take that unsafe and easy way out.

So with this I just keep on trying to lose a bit more weight but it just stayed where it was, 165kg’s, and I couldn’t get it to budge. After a couple of months of this I was really starting to get pissed off again.

Over the previous several months, probably 4 – 6, I had been looking up gyms on the net to see what was around me. I had found one not very far away that I used to drive past all the time and think about going in but didn’t have the balls to do it. Was too scared about firstly the owner laughing at me, then the other members just taking the piss out of me. Who was I kidding, just keep driving past and forget about it was my thought. Yes, yet another FAILURE.

It was by then about July, I think, I was starting to get pretty desperate and bit the bullet and drove in but when I couldn’t find the gym easily I just drove back out thinking that’s that. A couple of days later plucked up some more courage again to give finding it another go. This time was better because the bloke I took to be the coach had a group of people outside training them so I knew where to go.

I walked over to the building they were at and this is where my life changed, hopefully forever.

I’m sure I was that scared that I was nearly wetting myself.

I saw the bloke wearing the coach T shirt and thought “now or never” and sort of walked past to see if he would even notice me or if I would just keep walking. This is where this bloke spoke to me and stuck his out and said his name was Matt. We talked for a couple of minutes then he told me to come back the next day at lunch time as that was a quiet period. Ha, bet he thought that was the last time he would ever see me.....

Little did I know then how important and inspirational this bloke called Matt Jolley was going to become to me.

I turned up at noon the next day, we spoke for a little bit then he got me doing some exercises to see how I’d go, I thought I was going to have a stroke but wasn’t going to let him know that, and after about 30/40 mins he said that was enough for the first time, no shit – I thought that 30mins earlier. He said to come back in a couple days and take it slowly from there.

Now I’m thinking I should set a few goals for myself, so I started by making it to 10 visits and a larger one of losing 5kg’s. That’s good enough to start with.

I remember when I went back for my second visit there was another member there and I really didn’t want to try training in front of this other person for fear of her just laughing at me. How wrong was I, this person who Matt introduced as Jacqui White, never did and was very supportive towards me. This made it easier to be there, hopefully everyone would be like that. Over the next few months it seemed that at lunch times it was only the 3 of us there most of time so it was easy to start settling in. And man it’s very inspirational to watch Jacqui workout – she just doesn’t stop and pounds out the workouts. She’s like a bloody machine. Can only wish to be that fit some day.

Over a period my arm/shoulder started to come good, it hurt like hell during the workouts but Matt was great at what he’d get me doing so that helped big time. Now it’s pretty good all round and I have full use of it back... yah.

I found that I had achieved the goals I’d set myself so I had to make more. I was now at 160kg’s. The next goals were 140kg’s and 50 visits. I found going to the gym was now enjoyable and helping me in more ways than just my health and fitness.

50 visits seemed to happen fairly quickly and by christmas I reached the 140kg mark. So then more goals were needed – 100 visits and 120kg’s. Also with Matt realizing that I’m starting to become competitive, something I’ve never been, he keeps throwing little (?) challengers at me. Like bench pressing 100kg’s, then benching the full stack (105Kg’s) to mention just a couple.

These goals have also been met. Along the way meeting some really top people, Jacqui, Cassie, Tom, Wayne, Jenny, Jill and others that I don’t know their names (I should ask) just to mention a few but there is heaps of them.

Don’t get me wrong, this has not all been as easy as it sounds. There has been massive mind struggles and at times I have thought that it’s just not worth it. “Give it up you’ll never succeed like every other time – who are you kidding, just give it up now” was a big mind set through the early part. But over time your thoughts change and boy have mine changed hugely.

I said to Matt the other day that I was really struggling at the moment and that I should set some more goals. We talked for a couple minutes and I was feeling a bit better. Then I told him that in my mind I want to do a 5k fun run by Christmas. In Matt fashion he said what’s stopping me, to which I replied that I can’t run and have never been any good at it. His reply – when I went over to the treadmill for my warm up he set it on intervals so I could see if I could run or not. I had only tried running once prior to this and got about 200 meters before I had to give up because I was totally knackered. Well I ended up doing a total of 3.5k’s and was very amazed. My knee has come out second best but that’s not going to stop me now I’ve started.

After doing this, it was the first time I have let myself be a little happy with the way things are going. Then to read that Matt said on the facebook site for the gym that he was pretty happy about it, well that was it I actually did something I never ever do and welled up a little. To think I could do something to please what I think would have to be the best coach/trainer around was just an unbelievable feeling.

I now absolutely love going to the gym and wonder what, as Matt would put it, all the sooky la la’s were all about.

So now my new goals are 100kg’s and a 5k fun run.

Now at 118kg’s, I think that will be achievable, but the run may be out of reach. That doesn’t mean I’m not going for it and going to give it my best shot.

Yes that is 62kg’s down and when someone asked what I’d lost I told them and could even feel a bit of a smile happening about it. Oh how my thinking and attitude has changed in recent times.

With all the great support and encouragement from my sisters and Beck, Boofhead, ET and the wonderfully amazing Lee, this is rapidly becoming my new way of life and I am loving it finally. As I’ve already said, Matt is totally AWESOME and knows exactly what he’s doing.

By the way, in my rant I think I forgot to mention the best little gym in Geelong. EFM Health Clubs Geelong, owned and operated by Matt Jolley.

Today is 18 April, 2012, will keep updating throughout the year so I can be made accountable to myself.

      Cheers for now